HELLO!!!
Happy (almost) spring everybody!
It’s been almost three full months since I wrote my last newsletter, which was detailing the worst of the 2023 genre space. Life happens, so I didn’t end up getting to write the middle-of-the-road section before the end of the year but I’m here now!
Pretty self-explanatory, these are films that are middle-of-the-road. Not terrible, not great, just fine. This will be easier to write than the worst list cause I don’t have to be consistently negative but I’m just looking forward to getting to the best.
I honestly don’t wanna waste much time, since I have a LOT of middle-of-the-road picks, a lot more than the best and the bad so let’s get this on through!
First up:
IT LIVES INSIDE (dir: Bishal Dutta) Neon
An Indian-American teenager struggling with her cultural identity has a falling out with her former best friend and, in the process, unwittingly releases a demonic entity that grows stronger by feeding on her loneliness.
Sucks this was so disappointing! Dutta directed a pretty good horror short called ‘Inferno’ that I saw on the 2020 Chattanooga Film Festival. I was really looking forward to seeing how he would do with his first feature, as ‘Inferno’ had a really strong sense of direction behind the camera. Not great unfortunately.
There are some well-directed moments and fine performances but it’s really hindered by the cheap production value and boring screenplay.
If you wanna know my full, kinda-spoilery, thoughts just read my review:
THE POPE’S EXORCIST (dir: Julius Avery) Sony Pictures
Father Gabriele Amorth, Chief Exorcist of the Vatican, investigates a young boy’s terrifying possession and ends up uncovering a centuries-old conspiracy the Vatican has desperately tried to keep hidden.
Russell Crowe is the only thing that makes this movie feel like it has some life in it. If you wanna know my spoiler-filled thoughts, just read this: I promise, this whole article won’t be just referring you to my reviews lol.
THE STRAYS (dir: Nathaniel Martello-White) Netflix
A Black woman’s meticulously crafted life of privilege starts to unravel when two strangers show up in her quaint suburban town.
I’m very kind than most people were to this one, and by very kind I mean it’s on the middle list and not the worst. It’s not good, but I will say the reason why it’s on here is because, even though predictable, the ending has stuck with me a bit more than most movies on the worst list.
COBWEB (dir: Samuel Bodin) Lionsgate
Eight year old Peter is plagued by a mysterious, constant tapping from inside his bedroom wall—one that his parents insist is all in his imagination. As Peter’s fear intensifies, he believes that his parents could be hiding a terrible, dangerous secret and questions their trust.
I read the script for this back in 2018 and dug it quite a bit. Super stoked to find out later on that Samuel Bodin was directing it, as he directed the criminally under-seen Netflix horror series ‘Marianne’ and genuinely thought this could be something special.
One of the biggest disappointments of the year. Performances were mostly solid (Lizzy Caplan is acting like she’s in a fairy tale and I love it), Bodin does know how to craft a solid scare and Philip Lozano is a tremendous DP who brings some gorgeous autumnal images to life. That is where everything ends.
The last half of this script was ENTIRELY re-written and EVERYTHING FALLS APART. Nothing makes sense in the last half of the film and the ending is so, so bad.
It’d be one thing if it was just story-wise, but also execution-wise. A lot of sequences from the last half of the film are so poorly made. It’s like all the solid production done throughout was suddenly out of the window. There are some action-y death scenes that are laughably bad. The movie forever has a sour taste in my mouth, if only they had stuck with the ORIGINAL SCREENPLAY!
It’s in the middle and not the worst, because as I stated above, some really good performances and warmly chilling cinematography. It’s a skip tho for me.
FAMILY DINNER (dir: Peter Hengl) Cinedigm
Overweight and insecure, Simi spends Easter weekend with her famous nutritionist aunt. The hope is that it’ll help her get on a healthier track, but as the aunt’s family’s icy dynamics and an increasingly malevolent atmosphere leave Simi feeling uneasy, weight isn’t the only thing she’s about to lose.
Definition of mediocre. Never lives up to its potential but not egregious either. I’m not planning on ever watching this again, there’s some good moments but overall forgettable.
THERE’S SOMETHING WRONG WITH THE CHILDREN (dir: Roxanne Benjamin) MGM+
Margaret and Ben take a weekend trip with longtime friends Ellie and Thomas and their two young children. Eventually, Ben begins to suspect something supernatural is occurring when the kids behave strangely after disappearing into the woods overnight.
There is indeed something wrong with the children…they can’t act!
Both the child actors in this film are trying SO hard to come across as intimidating and scary it legitimately took me out of it at times. No offense to the kids, I think that’s just the direction they were given, but damn they needed to be told to reel that shit back!
There’s also a super lazy and cliched mental illness trope with the lead character that’s so tired, boring and done-before. Anywho, the reason why this is on the middle list is because the lead, Zach Gilford, delivers a pretty stellar lead performance and Benjamin does know how to concoct a nice tension-building sequence.
It also features a pretty interesting soundtrack and there’s a sort of greenish color grading going on in some scenes that I found kinda cool.
I haven’t thought about it since watching it really, but I don’t think it’s terrible.
V/H/S/85 (dir: Various) Shudder
Unveiled through a made-for-TV documentary, five chilling tales of found footage horror emerge to take viewers on a gore-filled journey through the grim underbelly of the forgotten 1980s.
The V/H/S franchise is just something I’m not a fan of.
I’m not a fan of the first one, I surprisingly really enjoy the second one, third one is fucking garbage, surprisingly liked the fourth one and not a fan of the fifth one. So how is the sixth one? Not a fan.
I really disliked this movie on my initial viewing. Thought every segment but Derrickson’s was terrible, but the more I sat on it the more I started to like some things about other segments.
Don’t get me wrong, I can’t say I like this movie but I will say I found things to appreciate about like three out of the five segments. Not looking forward to the next installment in the franchise but I’ll check it out.
DARK HARVEST (dir: David Slade) MGM
In a small Midwestern town, a deadly annual ritual unfolds when the mythical nightmare, Sawtooth Jack, rises from the cornfields and challenges the town’s teenage boys in a bloody battle of survival.
A mess. I hear the book is pretty good, so it must’ve been a shame to see how the film turned out.
Unconvincing performances (the leads in particular had zero romantic chemistry) and utterly baffling writing hold this movie down a lot. The final act of the film is so perplexingly lousy and features an unintentionally hilarious mid-credit scene.
One of the worst parts, hands down, is the horrendous shaky-cam during the intense action-y scenes, to the point where you could barely see what was going on. Slade also went ham with the earthquake shake effect on top of that, like he didn’t understand how to portray a normal running scene, which I know he does cause he directed 30 Days of Night!
The movie doesn’t portray its rules very well, it’s quite easy to get confused and I do not buy this as a 1960’s period piece for one minute.
The reason this isn’t on the worst list? It’s R-rated and even though they don’t do it frequently enough, there are some really great kill sequences here. Some really stellar gore and Sawtooth Jack doesn’t look terrible.
I don’t know, it’s watchable and I got a few kicks from some of the kills (which primarily occur during the second act) which is it’s only saving grace. I can see why MGM held this for two years before deciding to send it straight to VOD.
THE OFFERING (dir: Oliver Park) Decal
In the wake of a young Jewish girl’s disappearance, the son of a Hasidic funeral director returns home with his pregnant wife in hopes of reconciling with his father. Little do they know that directly beneath them in the family morgue, an ancient evil with sinister plans for the unborn child lurks inside a mysterious corpse.
Can’t say this is a very good movie BUT I can say that there were some welcome new takes on well-worn supernatural tropes, a few well-directed scares and, the main reason why this made it on this list and not the worst, is that it COMMITS to it’s bleak ending. It ends on a pretty grim note, which is a welcome change of pace for the typical supernatural horror.
THE LAST VOYAGE OF THE DEMETER (dir: André Øvredal) Universal Pictures
The crew of the merchant ship Demeter attempts to survive the ocean voyage from Carpathia to London as they are stalked each night by a merciless presence onboard the ship.
What a damn shame.
Øvredal is a pretty solid director. I don’t love ‘The Autopsy of Jane Doe’ but I think it’s pretty well-directed, however I do actually really enjoy his ‘Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark’ and think he did quite a good job with that.
I also think the idea of making a film based off that iconic chapter in the original “Dracula” novel has really strong potential, which makes the final product being really unremarkable disappointing.
The CGI in the film is TERRIBLE. One of the worst on-screen Draculas I’ve seen in a minute. The incomparable Javier Botet portrays him and you can’t even tell. Botet has played countless iconic monsters and creatures over the years and I can’t believe they did him this dirty.
The characters and the dialogue are also…not good. Just a bad experience overall with a silly as hell ending that feels like it was trying to set up a SYFY original series.
I’m actually just as surprised as you that this made it in my middle list and not my worst…strange. I think because even though it’s not good, I can rewatch it, the production design for the ship is really nice and the actors are trying their best with what they’ve been given.
THE NUN II (dir: Michael Chaves) Warner Bros. Pictures
In 1956 France, a priest is violently murdered, and Sister Irene begins to investigate. She once again comes face-to-face with a powerful evil.
I love “The Conjuring” films. I can’t help it, I do. Or, I at least love the first TWO, the ones directed by James Wan. Not a fan of the first “Annabelle” (really enjoy the other two), “The Curse of La Llorona” or “The Nun”.
I find the first Nun to be very boring and very silly. So how was the second one? Exactly the same. Why is it on the middle list instead of the worst? Let me explain.
The first 75 minutes of this I was bored out of my fucking mind. Could not give a shit less about what was going on. However, I did have some sporadic fun in those last 35 minutes or so. It’s a shame it took so goddamn long to get there, but when we did it wasn’t a terrible time. Yes, there is also some nice cinematography + production design going on.
We need to address one of the main issues: Why is Bonnie Aaron in even less of this movie than the first one??? One of the main complaints everyone had about the first Nun film was the lack of Valak, why is she in the sequel even less???
Anywho, Michael Chaves also needs to go do something else. With the upcoming “Conjuring: Last Rites”, said to be the final film in the Conjuring series, he will have directed FOUR feature films and ALL FOUR are fucking Conjuring universe movies. No offense to Chaves, he isn’t a terrible director, but I’m sick of him in this universe I wanna see him do something non-Conjuring related. All he’s showing is being a four-trick pony unfortunately.
James Wan, the DCU is over! Get back in the director’s chair and finish what you fucking started! I’m pissed off again.
RAGING GRACE (dir: Paris Zarcilla) Brainstorm Media
An undocumented Filipina immigrant lands a job as a careworker for a seemingly terminal old man, securing a better life for her and her daughter. But a dark discovery threatens to destroy everything she’s strived for and holds dear.
This is alright.
Very well-shot and performed, a few clever camera movements and a good calling card for Zarcilla’s first feature. The screenplay needs a few adjustments, some more things needed to be fleshed out and it’s surprisingly quite trope-heavy?
Very mixed on the final act of the film. I do like it overall, but it hasn’t had any staying power with me.
THE MILL (dir: Sean King O’Grady) Hulu/20th Digital Studios
A businessman wakes up beside an ancient grist mill situated in the center of an open-air prison cell with no idea how he got there. Forced to work as a beast of burden to stay alive, he must find a way to escape before the birth of his child.
Definitely not an original concept, we’ve seen a lot of dystopian + satirical films about class, particularly in recent years and this isn’t a highlight of those but it’s also not a terrible one of those either.
Thankfully this is better than O’Grady’s last feature film “We Need to Do Something” and handles its single setting (and the threats outside) significantly better than what he did with that film.
Lil Rel Howery’s performance is an interesting one. Obviously, he’s mostly been a comedic actor with a comedic background and this role is drop-dead serious and I would say he’s fine…for the most part…until it comes to the crying scenes.
For some fucking reason, we’re all up close to his face when these super emotional crying scenes happen and we can VERY clearly see he is NOT crying. Not one tear is coming out and we’re focused on him for like thirty seconds. Why would they do this to him? Shoot him from a distance as he huddles in the corner and cries or something, damn.
It does indeed feel like a “Black Mirror” reject at times (especially near the end) and unfortunately it never builds up past the really investing first half, even dragging at times, and I would probably never watch it again but it is a solid one-time watch overall.
FIVE NIGHTS AT FREDDY’S (dir: Emma Tammi) Universal Pictures
Recently fired and desperate for work, a troubled young man named Mike agrees to take a position as a night security guard at an abandoned theme restaurant: Freddy Fazbear’s Pizzeria. But he soon discovers that nothing at Freddy’s is what it seems.
So, I am not super familiar with the games. I have basic, surface-level knowledge with them. I know it takes place at an abandoned pizzeria (pretty much Chuck E Cheese) and you play a security guard who watches over the cameras at night and looks after the animatronics who end up moving and jump scaring you. That’s all I know about it. I didn’t even know they had names or a backstory or anything like that.
So how was the film? Not great. I wouldn’t even call it good. I think if you’re someone (particularly a teen/kid) with a lot of knowledge about the games you’ll probably really dig a good portion of it, as it’s definitely a film made for those fans who’ll eat up all the fan service. But as an actual film, it’s not good. That screenplay is a wreck. Those line delivers (particularly in the last confrontation) are a train wreck. But I had some mild fun with it.
Happy Tammi got this opportunity as I dug her debut feature “The Wind” and liked her two “Into the Dark” episodes she directed for Blumhouse + Hulu. It’s slickly shot, there’s a really cool death in here that I wasn’t expecting and I’m happy they used actual animatronics. I’m not mad at it, will probably not watch it again either. Seems the kids got some enjoyment from it as it’s Blumhouse’s highest-grossing film ever and the sequel is imminent.
ORGAN TRAIL (dir: Michael Patrick Jann) Paramount Home Video
A young Abigale Archer is left friendless and alone in a brutal Montana winter during the 1870s—fighting for survival and to retrieve her one earthly possession, her family’s horse, from a gang of bloodthirsty bandits.
Not bad.
I got more and more invested as the time went along and even though it veered into “oh come on that’s ridiculous” territory near the end, it’s a well-performed and surprisingly gory time. Also boosts fine production value for it’s low-budget.
BLOOD (dir: Brad Anderson) Vertical Entertainment
Jess, a newly separated mother and nurse, moves into her old family farmhouse with Tyler, her teenage daughter, and Owen, her eight-year-old son. One night, the family dog senses something in the woods and runs off to find it. He returns a couple of days later and attacks Owen, savagely biting him before Jess is able to intervene. Owen is rushed to the hospital. His condition worsens, and no one can figure out why… until Jess discovers a disturbing cure…
Overall, I was invested.
Admired what it set out to do and obviously it’s not perfect by any means but I did get swept up with the characters and the ongoing lengths Jess was doing to ensure Owen got his blood. Dug the ending too.
APPENDAGE (dir: Anna Zlokovic) Hulu/20th Digital Studios
After hitting a breaking point, Hannah’s inner thoughts physicalize into a monstrous creature that threatens to upend her life.
Here, we have the best of the Bite-Size Halloween adaptions to date!
Still isn’t great obviously as it’s on this list, but I had a good time with this one overall.
Main issue is that the original short this is based off had a WAY more comedic tone and was much more a comedy-horror (which is the way to go with a premise like this) and while the film does have funny moments overall it takes itself surprisingly serious which I wasn’t a fan of.
The first act is very rough and pretty poorly written but thankfully finds its groove a bit more as it goes on. Enjoyed the lead performance, enjoyed the effects of the titular appendage and enjoyed the retro font. Also has some pretty nice cinematography and feels like there’s an actual presence behind the camera, which I can’t say for the other Bite-Size adaptions…
THE ANGRY BLACK GIRL AND HER MONSTER (dir: Bomani J. Story) RLJE Films
Vicaria is a brilliant teenager who believes death is a disease that can be cured. After the brutal and sudden murder of her brother, she embarks on a dangerous journey to bring him back to life.
This was an interesting take on the Frankenstein story.
Loved the way this was shot, felt like it was from the ‘70s at times. Some really cool visuals here and there. Solid effects work.
Main thing, it features a phenomenal lead performance from Laya DeLeon Hayes, I really hope to see her in more stuff. She’s great here.
Unfortunately, there was a rewrite or two needed to fully flesh (no pun intended) out the story and its themes. There was also one time where I was like ‘bullshit, that character would not be making that decision!’.
Solid overall, not great.
THE WRATH OF BECKY (dir: Matt Angel & Suzanne Coote) Quiver Distribution
Two years after she escaped a violent attack on her family, 16-year-old Becky attempts to rebuild her life in the care of an older woman – a kindred spirit named Elena. However, when a violent group known as the Noble Men break into their home, attack them and take their beloved dog, Becky must return to her old ways to protect herself and her loved ones.
I enjoyed 2020’s “Becky” enough, although when this sequel was announced I really didn’t have any feelings about it. More just like “ok, I don’t see why but sure”.
Thankfully, I actually enjoyed this quite a bit more than the first one!
It’s actually a privilege being a sequel, therefore we already know this character and can just jump right into all the chaos.
It’s a fun, bloody romp. Pure escapism entertainment. It’s only 80 mins so it never outstays its welcome!
Really cool deaths + gore, fun performances and just a good time I would say. It’s not higher up because, while I understand these movies are pure escapism fantasy, the final scenes kinda took me out of it. While funny, it was doing a bit too much and I don’t find myself excited for the idea of a third one with the route they took at the end of this film. I think if it ended a different way and set up a different type of third film, this would be higher up my list.
Still a recommended good time though!
RENFIELD (dir: Chris McKay) Universal Pictures
Having grown sick and tired of his centuries as Dracula’s lackey, Renfield finds a new lease on life — and maybe even redemption — when he falls for feisty, perennially angry traffic cop Rebecca Quincy.
There’s two movies here: an R-rated bloody comedy about Nicholas Hoult’s Renfield trying to get away from Nicolas Cage’s Dracula and then there’s a serious dramatic family backstory following a cop played by Awkwafina who’s doing a poor job of grieving her father…tell me which one you think is better.
It is indeed the first one!
Awkwafina is in a completely different movie here and her scenes + backstory are never NOT jarring. It’s like a jump scare everytime her character appears. What are we doing here? You could take her character out of the movie and not ONE thing would change.
It’s such a strange combination that it makes the experience a lot less enjoyable than it should be. Nicolas Cage also should have indeed had a bigger role, he’s having a blast here and he’s not in it NEARLY enough.
A shame, because I actually had more fun with it than expected, loved the end credits and honestly made me wish the whole film was in black-and-white and had the aesthetics of the 1930s’ version.
Whole mafia family subplot was also weirdly inserted, should’ve been more seriously focused on its horror elements so it’s not terrible but it’s also not great. Definition of middle-of-the-road. Wasted potential it feels.
(Also kinda glad this was a flop, because why the hell does this have a $65 MILLION DOLLAR BUDGET? It looks like a straight-to-Peacock exclusive)
THE SACRIFICE GAME (dir: Jenn Wexler) Shudder
Christmas break, 1971. Samantha and Clara, two students who are staying behind for the holidays at their boarding school, must survive the night after the arrival of uninvited visitors.
Really liked the ideas presented here and what it was aiming for and unfortunately I think it only mildly succeeded.
I think its low-budget hindered a good portion of its potential. Also, the thin characterization for the lead. Also, the middling performances.
Still, there’s some great Christmas imagery happening, a GREAT opening shot that’s one-take and a different approach than what you would expect from a movie like this.
It’s worth a one-time watch.
DIVINITY (dir: Eddie Alcazar) Utopia
Two brothers crash into the decaying Earth to stop a capitalist from manufacturing an immortality serum, which is synthesized utilizing heinous methods and leaving an increasingly dire infertility rate in its wake.
An interesting one I saw at Sundance.
It’s very divisive, I was conflicted on it.
In love with the presentation, it absolutely relishes dreamy atmosphere over narrative. The black-and-white-photography, the impeccable 16mm film its shot on and truly feels like a lost episode of “The Outer Limits” at times. It was definitely one of the more unique looking films I saw at Sundance last year.
Unfortunately, I wasn’t very invested in the narrative. Ending fell a bit flat for me and we don’t spend enough time with the characters to truly care for them. When someone dies, the emotional impact isn’t there and it’s played out like you should care.
There was however, a stopmotion sequence from the final 10 minutes that was REALLY fucking cool.
BABY RUBY (dir: Bess Wohl) Magnet Releasing
After welcoming her baby, Ruby, home, the tightly scripted world of lifestyle influencer Jo starts to unravel. As increasingly sinister happenings mount, Jo is plunged into a waking fever dream where everyone is a threat and nothing is what it seems.
Solid debut feature.
Production value was good, performances were good, some cool editing going on and I thought the final resolution was satisfying.
However, it really did start to drag in the middle and there were some scenes that just amounted to pure filler.
There’s been kind of a resurgence of the pregnancy horror/thriller film in the last few years and unfortunately this film features pretty much every trope associated with them. Nothing new going on.
Liked it overall but understand why a lot would find this boring and over-done.
PERPETRATOR (dir: Jennifer Reeder) Shudder
Jonny Baptiste is a reckless teen sent to live with her estranged Aunt Hildie. On the event of her eighteenth birthday, she experiences a radical metamorphosis: a family spell that redefines her called Forevering. When several teen girls go missing at her new school, a mythically feral Jonny goes after the Perpetrator.
Wrote a spoiler-filled review here if you wanna read my extensive thoughts. Overall, Reeder’s work is NOT for everyone and I would never recommend her stuff to anyone I know as it’s extremely out there but I did find some enjoyment here.
I still really prefer her first feature “Knives and Skin” over this though.
CANDY LAND (dir: John Swab) Quiver Distribution
Remy, a seemingly naive and devout young woman, finds herself cast out from her religious cult. With no place to turn, she immerses herself into the underground world of truck stop sex workers. Under the watchful eye of their matriarch and an enigmatic local lawman, Remy navigates between her strained belief system and the code to find her true calling in life.
Has a really rough start, the low budget hinders its gore and I would’ve liked more of a mystery for the first half as its quite predictable who the killer is from the start but I think it’s surprisingly solid.
Likable leads are the standout here and it has a pretty cool ending. Also dug some of the fisheye lens type of shots here and there.
THE BLACKENING (dir: Tim Story) Lionsgate
A group of Black friends reunite for a Juneteenth weekend getaway only to find themselves trapped in a remote cabin with a twisted killer.
Good time overall.
Frequently funny and I really dug the slasher elements. It’s a shame the directing isn’t on par with the acting here when there were some really cool visuals that could’ve been done.
Wish it would’ve stayed as consistently strong as the first half hour and leaned harder into the horror elements but it’s not a bad way to spend 90 minutes. I’ll watch the sequel.
THE BOOGEYMAN (dir: Rob Savage) 20th Century Studios
Still reeling from the tragic death of their mother, a teenage girl and her younger sister find themselves plagued by a sadistic presence in their house and struggle to get their grieving father to pay attention before it’s too late.
Overall, I enjoyed the experience.
Reminded me a lot of “Lights Out” in how it attempts to balance a dramatic family story with a gimmick scare.
Rob Savage is a fine director who builds some really well-crafted sequences, the performances are quite solid and it’s investing enough but this script is so by-the-numbers.
Features some pretty laugh-worthy, extremely over-the-top mean girls™ who look like they just walked out of a college diversity ad with pretty poor dialogue and there’s attempts at sentimentality that fall flat due to how rushed this screenplay is and there’s no real danger or stakes, everything plays out exactly as you’d expect it to.
VFX creature design worked more than missed thankfully. It worked more due to keeping it at a certain distance and it does have a cool design when you see it up close.
It’s fine. I’m not mad at it, it’s just pretty forgettable.
BROOKLYN 45 (dir: Ted Geoghegan) Shudder
On a freezing evening in December 1945, five military veterans gather together in the ornate parlour of a Brooklyn brownstone. Best friends since childhood, they have reunited to support their troubled host – but when his invitation for cocktails turns into an impromptu séance, the metaphoric ghosts of their past become all-too-literal.
Liked this one! Feels like a stage-play.
Great performances across the board, love the transition from full-screen to wide-screen at the beginning (and end) and it’s just an interesting iteration of the ghost story.
It’s not perfect, it drags on a bit longer than it should and there’s a meandering stretch where we’re like “ok we already did this move on”. Its most exciting moments also could’ve been choreographed and directed better. Its best moments are just the conversations with the characters.
It’s worth a watch.
THE THIRD SATURDAY IN OCTOBER PART V (dir: Jay Burleson) Dark Sky Films
Unstoppable killer Jakkariah “Jack” Harding is back in town after seven years as he stalks and kills at random before chancing upon a football watch party. The game is, of course, between longstanding rivals the Alabama-Mobile Seahawks and the Tennessee A&M Commonwealth. Chaos ensues, in increasingly ridiculous fashion, with inventive murders and multiple love triangles! Hearts are broken and appendages are torn.
As I stated in my worst of 2023 newsletter, this and “The Third Saturday in October” are companion pieces. The first one is made to look like a lost slasher film from the 1970s, while Part V is made to look like a cheesy sequel from the 1980s. The director prefers you watch Part V before the first one, which I did.
So yeah, Part V is on the middle list and the first one is on the worst list! Who woulda thought?
I genuinely enjoyed this a lot more than I was anticipating. It has its heart in the right place, it has some pretty fun kills and the characters, while by no means interesting, are cool enough to follow.
I dig it. Would watch 2, 3 and 4 if they ever decide to make them.
UNSEEN (dir: Yoko Okumura) MGM+
Sam receives a call from Emily, a near blind woman who is running from her murderous ex in the woods. Can she survive using Sam as her eyes via video call?
Was worried this was gonna be too similar to 2022’s “See For Me” and thankfully it’s not!
This is pretty fun, it’s tense, cleverly edited and well-performed. It’s also surprisingly quite sweet.
It’s nothing remarkable or even super memorable, but it’s an energetic little thriller.
SCREAM VI (dir: Matt Bettinelli-Olpin & Tyler Gillett) Paramount Pictures
Following the latest Ghostface killings, the four survivors leave Woodsboro behind and start a fresh chapter in New York City.
Was pretty vocal about my thoughts on Scream 5 on my Best of 2022 list. I heavily criticized the film yet still put it on my best list. Here to tell you if I could go back I would indeed put Scream 5 on my middle list. I actually think 6 is worse than 5.
I just truly don’t give a fuck about these new characters, I don’t. I’m not moved by them, I don’t really care whether they live or die, I just don’t give a fuck anymore.
There’s some sporadic fun to be had with some set pieces but overall it still feels like a fan-written installment rather than something legitimate. Killer reveal dumb as hell too.
ENYS MEN (dir: Mark Jenkin) Neon
A wildlife volunteer on an uninhabited island off the British coast descends into a terrifying madness that challenges her grip on reality and pushes her into a living nightmare.
I enjoyed this a lot more than I expected to.
Very interesting audio mixing. Felt ASMR-ish at times. You definitely have to be in a certain mood for this one and thankfully when I watched it, I was.
Felt quite comforting to me, like a soft, eerie lullaby. I actually thought the weakest moments of the film was when it was trying to be scary.
Obviously, I love when stuff is shot on film and this has a very clear Roeg inspiration. Really appreciate the commitment to 1973, even if it isn’t anything particularly noteworthy.
There are some fascinating interpretations to decipher and I enjoyed the callbacks to prior happenings as they evolved throughout the story. Felt like I was on that island with her.
Enjoyed it overall, wouldn’t recommend to anyone in my personal life though. Neon also did this film so dirty by cutting together a trailer that puts all the “scary” moments together, this is not that vibe lol.
Isn’t on the best list cause I have zero desire to revisit it and I think it’s only good for one viewing.
SICK OF MYSELF (dir: Kristoffer Borgli) Utopia
Signe and Thomas are in an unhealthy, competitive relationship that takes a vicious turn when Thomas suddenly breaks through as a contemporary artist. In response, Signe makes a desperate attempt to regain her status by creating a new persona hell-bent on attracting attention and sympathy.
A solid dark comedy.
Your tolerance for this depends on whether or not you're fine with following some of the most unlikable people for 90 minutes. I definitely can.
With social media and narcissism satires getting more prevalent, it’s easy to observe them all as the same talking points and have them blend together but thankfully it’s sick sense of humor and performances help it branch out. Delightfully nasty.
Worth a watch.
(Note, Borgli’s third feature “Dream Scenario” also came out in 2023, I did enjoy it, however I do not consider it a genre film so it won’t be on any of my lists. I consider Scenario to be in the same vein of absurdist comedies like “Beau is Afraid” so you won’t see that one on any of my lists either. “Sick of Myself” made it on here cause it commits to the grotesque body horror the character puts herself through).
INSIDIOUS: THE RED DOOR (dir: Patrick Wilson) Sony Pictures
To put their demons to rest once and for all, Josh Lambert and a college-aged Dalton Lambert must go deeper into The Further than ever before, facing their family’s dark past and a host of new and more horrifying terrors that lurk behind the red door.
I have a lot of nostalgia and love for this franchise which is why this is so high up.
The Red Door had a really strong potential and almost all of it is never realized. It’s a surprisingly half-baked screenplay that feels like it’s dilly-dallying for most of the runtime just to pack in the (admittedly meaningful) final few minutes. We spend like 10 minutes in the further in the final act! It’s extremely rushed yet drags its feet at the same time.
Rose Byrne is criminally under-used and the brothers grew up to be…not great actors, particularly the younger one. I would only recommend this for fans of the franchise who want closure on the Lambert family.
I think it’s a solid directorial debut for Wilson. Nothing great but not abysmal either. Side note: who in the fuck keeps letting Scott Teems write stuff?
WE’RE DONE!!!! THANK GOD!
Spent like five and a half hours writing this, didn’t do any grammatical/writing checking cause that was a lot of movies to write about so if you see any errors, no you didn’t!
Hopefully it doesn’t take me almost three months to write about the best of the 2023 genre scene but we’ll see!
Happy first newsletter of 2024!!!
Hope this year has been good to y’alls so far.